we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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