i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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