I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
