It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
