I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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