she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
