I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize