Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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