Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
