Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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