I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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