omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
