he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
