Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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