I hate all girls vehemently.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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