i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
