Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
