I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
