You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
