Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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