i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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