break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
