You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
