using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
