We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
