If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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