I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
