That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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