any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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