first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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