Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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