Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
