Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
