they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
3 2 1 whiskey
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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