new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
