you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
