I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
and you fell through a lawn chair
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
