When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
