i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
