I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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