I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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