just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
