I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
