hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
me + whiskey = a bad person
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
