you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
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Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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