I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im holly from the hills drunk
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
