yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
