I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
