I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
