Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
