Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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