Too much gin, very little bucket
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
