If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
