HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
