There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
