If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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