Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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