You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
