Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
