You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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