P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
